I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
