U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
