we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
