just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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