do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
