we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
