Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
