Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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