i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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