omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
