I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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