if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
So gin and wine won't be happening again
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
