My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
