Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
