i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
