We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
