she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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