i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
It all started with a game of naked twister.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
