Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Randomize
