I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
they're like a gay fantastic four
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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