Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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