...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
