I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Barsexuality is the new black.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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