she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
