Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
