Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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