I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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