Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
