I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
