I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
There was a lot of him and a little penis
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
