My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
