Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
