Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
