i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize