the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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