4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
