A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize