Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
