Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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