I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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