I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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