Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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