Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
