Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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