Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
