there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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