Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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