i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
