I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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