dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
