Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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