so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
