i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
