Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Just took my morning after pill in the library
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
