I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
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