Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
