I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
When did angry sex become our thing?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
