Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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