I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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