hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
