i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
