you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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