Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
