I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
