I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Randomize
