I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
