I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
