she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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