I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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