Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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