Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
