Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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