My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
