So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
