So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
