my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize