You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
My dick has a subreddit
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