no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
