I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
