I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
if only i could text you this smell
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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