some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Randomize
