The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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