why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
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