i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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