I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
