i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
did i just pee glitter
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
