I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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