mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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