so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
