Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
is it fun? or sober?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
