im about as happy as oj after his trial
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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