hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
