dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
