from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Randomize
