All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
