Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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